Entry 10.0 - Despair, Grief and Loss
We have a world where hours and hours of content are made every day in form of movies and series in almost all languages possible. With age, all of us have tip-toed in this trend once or twice if not as an addiction.
But it’s been 7
years for me and I think “I am an Addict”. From exploring sitcoms to limited
series to drama movies to documentaries, I have become an Addict.
I once went into a
full-blown conversation with a close friend about why she didn’t watch many
movies or series. Remarkable as it is, she said she is scared that she would
become too attached to the show or any certain character. Her fear of it is
enough for her not to dabble much in this world. Let’s just say, we agreed to
disagree then.
Because for me, it
was quite the opposite.
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The notion of
watching a world, and having a favourite character has always encapsulated me.
To watch something, feel it, become attached to it, and slowly see the world
from the POV of the character feels so so powerful. (Of course, all within the
boundaries of rationality)
I think many of us
feel this way. We sometimes even pick up a habit or two of our favorite
characters. From their dressing sense to how they crack a joke to how even they
pick up a glass. We take up some of those idiosyncrasies. Though reading that
now and accepting it might feel a little bit spooky.
SPOOKY
That’s a word I
have been able to relate to for some months now, personally and professionally.
To add more spice to all the drama, I went on a three-course meal of shows,
which in the words of my friend, “Would make her fears come true”.
I meet three
friends in this journey, in a very unique manner. They were named Despair, Grief and Loss.
First
Course – Despair
Bojack
Horseman
There are shows which
you can summarise in a single sentence or word and then, there’s Bojack
Horseman.
Most of us have
seen its quotes on Instagram and Facebook. The ones with too much bitter truth
or lines than sent chills through our spines. I discovered it from the back
cover of a close friend’s phone.
It’s hard to define
the genre itself because it talks so much about depression, trauma, addiction,
self-destructive behavior, sexism, sexuality, and to the Human
condition itself. It’s dark, twisty, full of despair, and never
stops asking the hard questions. It will surely make you question the purpose
of life, relationships, and your existence in itself. It’s that dark and
twisty. For a change, the Internet has come pretty close to marketing the show
accurately.
Though I still
think that it’s just an unapologetic portrayal of truth, even if the bitter
ones are stacked together.
It has a whole lot
of characters and their beautiful arc’s. Unique as it is, the majority of the
characters are animals or birds in this animated world. It revolves around a middle-age
washed-up TV actor Bojack Horseman (Duh He’s a horse), who was part of a great
sitcom (Horsin’ Around) many years ago. The story revolves around him with
characters like Princess Carolyn (Cat), Todd Chavez (Human), Diane Nyugen
(Human), Mr Peanutbutter (Dog), and many others.
Though the first
season was a bit mild in how the showrunners actually wanted it to be, it was
excellent work for laying the ground for more seasons to come.
This brilliant
world is designed by Lisa Hanawatt and conceptualized, founded, and written by
Raphael Bob-Waksberg. The concept and writing are nothing but ingenious in themselves.
Somehow, the show even while talking about the tragic things in life never ran
away from the truth of it. I think it is one of the most brilliantly written
shows of all time.
The episodes which
truly shook my mind and were best for me are “Free Churro” and “The view from
Halfway Down”.
Free
Churro
Goosebumps and
silence. That’s what this episode left me with.
A one-character
episode where Bojack is reciting his mom’s eulogy mentioning the bitterness and
pain of their relationship. The level of writing cuts right through any barrier
straight through your shattering it into tiny little pieces. It’s a
masterpiece, which hauntingly leaves you with the word, “I See You”.
The
view from Halfway Down
It’s one of the best episodes made in the history of cinema and series. They take up a beautiful plot, seasoned with brilliant symbolism, and take us right through the darkest roller coaster possible which sort of ends with a poem called “The View from Halfway Down”. There’s so much to observe in the episode. The black liquid, the uncontrollable bird, a 10-second cameo by Moonlight Sonata – Adagio Soste. All of this in 26 minutes, which can easily leave some in hours of silence and decades of regret.
What made the show
more unique for me was that the show targeted the lives of middle-aged people
towards the latter end of that journey. It’s not that crowd-puller of a plot.
Still, somehow,
they cracked it and turned it into sheer brilliance. There is true despair and
tragedy shown. It surely isn’t for the weak of the heart to watch. Yet this
brilliant brilliant writing sweeps you off your feet.
If I took one positive thing from Bojack Horseman, it was the ability to choose. Even after having a messy, chaotic and ugly life, we can choose how to make most of our decisions. Every day presents us with a chance to do better and be a better version of ourselves.
Songs that stayed
with me from the show are Mr Blue (Catherine Keeny), Break my Fall (Doc
Robinson) and Take me down easy (James Henry Jr.).
(You can tell
comment on your favorite characters and the debate surrounding the last episode
of the show).
2nd
Course – Grief
The
Bear
How the hell does a
kitchen work?
How does that train
of dishes always run on time in and out of the door with the perfect aroma of
seasoning, garnish, plating, and most importantly “The Taste”?
Who decides that 1
clove of diced garlic is better than 2 on the plate and what sauce would go
with the dish and how much?
These were the sort
of questions I thought that the series will have the answer to.
But boy, I couldn’t
have been more out of tune in the bigger picture.
The story of “The
Original Beef of Chicagoland” had so much more to show for.
A kitchen is like a
warzone and a tightly operated one. It’s only second to a hospital surgery room
or a military battlefield. There is constant chaos, urgency, tension, and work,
which never ends. It’s like a race. A race that starts and ends every day at
the same time with almost no vacation days.
You might think
where was I wrong in all this? Which bigger picture did I miss or failed to
look at the first glance? Here enters the word we all know as –
GRIEF.
The Bear is a story
of GRIEF and how people process it.
Its starts with
Carmy returning from his job at one of the world’s best kitchens in Newyork
after his elder brother committed suicide. He came back and decided to keep
running his brother’s restaurant which was already in knee-deep debt.
The story majorly revolves
around Carmy, Richard, Sydney, Tina, Marcus, and Natalie.
All of them somehow
struggling with the grief of a dear boss, friend, or brother. All of them are united
by their love for Food and Mikey. The only outsider being Sydney, their new
Sous Chef who recently joined following Carmy’s entry.
The show has taken
its own sweet time slow playing a lot of things. One of them being the buildup
of inner frustration and anger. Most of us don’t know how to deal with our
emotions and feelings in a healthy manner (Hence our pileups and explosions).
That’s where episode 7 “ Chaos” walks in. It is a raw blast of emotions,
literally and figuratively. This a perfect example of how bottled-up emotions create
a way for a volcanic eruption. Destroying every relationship in its path. I am
still amazed by the power a penultimate episode of a show holds. There’s grief,
bottled-up emotions, frustration, anger, and with all of it a feeling of lack
of control over life.
But what if we
accept certain facts and emotions for what they are?
By being in control
of our feelings in this lack of-control situation.
What if we accept
that there is a problem and openly talk about it?
What if we can go
to an Al-Anon meeting (a safe place for
people who have been impacted by another person's alcoholism.) and freely express our thoughts, without judgment? We all need
to face some things in life and come out of it stronger and wiser, even if the
possibility of it feels like nothing less than a miracle. That’s what this
episode 8 is about.
Tranquility and
Reconciliation.
I’ll not spoil the
big suspense but there’s this dialogue that has grown close to my heart.
Richard ssss, “You are the only family I got now, cuz (cousin)”. Bind all the
tranquility and reconciliation over the first 40 minutes of the final only to
get the craziest ending possible with the craziest thought of playing a
Radiohead song “Let Down” in the last minutes of the show. Just brilliant,
sheer brilliance which makes me envious of the showrunners. The show is brutal,
intense and brilliant in its entirety.
Final
Course - Loss
(I know right,
shitty chronology. But that’s how it is.)
After
Life
Never judge a book
by its cover. I think it was written for someone like Ricky Gervais.
I always knew him
as that funny guy who created the Office and who loves to roast everyone. But
when you see “After Life”, everything takes a 360-degree turn. It’s one of the
hardest pieces of writing I have come across this year.
It is a special,
special show to me because if it takes a Brain to understand Bojack Horseman,
and a heart to process “The Bear”. I believe it takes a Soul to go through
“After Life”.
It’s about Tony and
Lisa. Rather more about Tony, who lost his wife Lisa, a while ago to cancer. Tony,
who keeps watching self-recorded tapes of his wife, where she left notes for
him to lead a better life after her. In between doing his work as a local
newspaper reporter and sitting for hours at her grave.
Going through the
first episode, it felt so slow, simple-minded and unimpressive. But episode by
episode and season by season, it had so many things that hit hard so so close
to home. It’s not a great journey because its filled with depressing thoughts
and activities like death, suicide, drugs, lucidity, and the most difficult one
of all we call hopelessness. It might be the best of decisions to put the show
in a setting of a small British town with everything and everyone so simple or dumb-minded.
A unique take is, rather than having its big character arcs, the story had a
journey and an arc of its own.
The story focuses a
lot on LOSS. Permanent Loss of a loved one. It’s different from those talked about
above because the level of its effect is so personal and destructive that no
amount of anything (people or passion) can fill that gaping void of loss and
loneliness it has created. It helped me out of a great loss of a friendship,
even if a version of it.
It takes the idea
of loss and pain and hits you straight in the face with it. I would never have
guessed Ricky Gervais to write such a show and not only act in such a role.
There’s a beautiful
scene of Tony going deeper into the sea, thinking that it will stop all the
pain he is feeling. Then comes Brandy (his wife’s dog), who barks with all her
power for him to come back from the sea, back to his life. It almost felt like
Tony was a changed man now.
There’s this
thought about replacing people in our lives. We all have gone through it and
have our own perspectives on it. Some say everything and everyone is
replaceable whereas others might say that each person has a role to play in our
lives and it will always remain unique to them. I think it maybe one of the
most difficult parts of Adulting. Replacing people and their value in our
lives.
I have no idea if
google’s categorization of the series is appropriate under the Comedy – Drama
Section, but it is what it is. It has a list of characters from the show who
cannot be weirder and yet so special. Somehow, Kath grew on me and
I love the way her character is shown even if in the small bits. As Ricky meant
for the show, you cannot, just cannot fall in love with Anne and
her relationship with Tony. A relationship that began and stayed for the most
part of it, in a graveyard.
Growing up, the most we lose touch with I think is Communication. To speak
freely and openly about how we feel and what some situations make us feel. I
think it has a direct effect on our self-awareness and lucidity. Maybe it takes
someone like Anne to share the difficulties of our life with
and with enough luck to find an angel in one another. The conversations they
had and the vulnerability of it were so pure, deep, and precious.
As Mark Twain once
said, “ I have a lot of many worries in life, most of which have never
happened”. I think deep and open conversation filled with empathy helps us in
being good and better to ourselves and others in our life. That’s the
relationship Anne and Tony have. So even if it’s hard to choose a favourite
episode, here are some lines from their conversations –
“A society grows
great when old man plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in”.
“I would rather
live missing him than for him to live missing me. That’s how much I love him”.
(Gold, pure Gold)
“Happiness is
amazing. It’s so amazing, it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not”.
Frankly, the show
was a hell-bent focus on showing the truth about loss. That it doesn’t vanish
over a day, month, or year. That true loss sometimes takes forever to go away
and that too not completely. If not for the show, this journey would have been
a bit more difficult.
Songs that stayed
with me from the series are Among the Living – The Thorns, Both Sides Now –
Joni Mitchell and the amazing amazing Let Down – Radiohead.
So that was the
story of Despair, Grief, and Loss. Sure it isn’t for the weak of the heart,
because it can leave a mark of its own. (I get a bit of what my friend meant by
her fears now)
But I think,
there’s and that’s the beauty in it. Even while going through a tragedy or loss
or any level of human struggle, we all yearn for catharsis, for reconciliation.
Everything in life
might go a bit wrong and somehow still we rise up above everything to be a
better version of ourselves. We might feel like we are drowning, but we always
fight it and come up for fresh air. However, despair, grief, and loss surround
us, and HOPE always lends a helping hand.
Bojack Horseman (Netflix) Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1eJMig5Ik4
The Bear (Hotstar/ Hulu) Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-cqqAJIXhs&t=38s
After Life (Netflix) Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIGGKSHMQOM
Trippiest Intro of all time - Bojack Horseman - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQvIR1oL1vE
Mr Blue – Catherine Keeny - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6KtQRbyH_g
Break My Fall – Doc
Robinson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeGCa40NDSY
Take me Down easy – James Henry Jr. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6MjX1Am188
The view from halfway down - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1_EBSlnDlU
Let Down – Radiohead - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z_NvVMUcG8
Among the living – The Thorns - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh-aL6FCvMY
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