Entry 17.0 - Normal People feat. Extended ESOTSM

Ahh... It’s been about a year—maybe a year and a half—since I truly began listening to different versions of songs. I never realized that a version with somewhat similar lyrics could convey such different meanings. Perhaps the video accompanying a version can significantly impact how we understand the song, or maybe my mood during each version changes everything I feel about it.

I had no idea there was such a thing as the “right version” of a song.

A few months ago, I was listening to “Those Eyes” by New West, featuring Zeph. As I played it in my car, the person sitting next to me said, “I love this song! But which version is this? I didn’t know there were a few verses by a female artist.” It turned out they immediately fell in love with this rendition, and now the song holds much more meaning for them.

This has happened to me with a couple of songs as well. It still surprises me how the right version can communicate so much more to us.

Communication is another concept that baffles me infinitely. The way we communicate with our parents, siblings, colleagues, friends, and partners is both simple and incredibly complex.

It’s the most common thing we do, yet it often feels so complicated.

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Never did I think I would fall for a teenage love drama. (Never judge a book/show by its cover: Learn it the hard way)

Never did I imagine I would have the courage to write about a story I've fallen in love with countless times over the past five years—a story I’ve read and watched at least five times each.

Never did I expect to use the word “communication” as entrée to talk about this show.

I never anticipated being swept away, layer by layer, by a tale of two people whose life and love journeys were anything but easy, simple, or kind.

It’s a story about two “Normal People.”

I strongly believe that while the words “love” and “relationship” may sound synonymous in our minds, they are not the same. (I’ll come back to this.)

Meet Marianne and Connell. Connell excels academically and is also good at sports, but he’s still searching for his identity and yearns to feel accepted by those around him. Raised by a single mother—his father abandoned them—Connell's mother works as a housekeeper to keep their household running.

Then there’s Marianne. She’s intelligent, witty, and sharp with her words. Also raised by a single mother—though not truly nurtured—Marianne struggles with a lack of positivity in her home life, leading to deep insecurities and abandonment issues that make her a prisoner of her own thoughts.

Both are in their final year of school in a small town called Carricklea in Ireland. They each feel odd, difficult, or isolated in their own ways. Yet, there’s a silver lining: they somehow end up creating a strong bond. A connection, which for starters isn’t directly about love. It’s more about intimacy—real intimacy, creating a space for each other. They find comfort in each other, creating a world of their own, away from the prying eyes and judgments of the outside world.

I know this feeling, and I think you do too—when you’re so absorbed in another person that the rest of the world fades away. There is a moment when Marianne influences Connell’s decision to choose the right college. It feels so natural, just a rational thought, yet it’s so rare to think of someone else with such care and selflessness, encouraging them to make the right choice and grow.

They come to understand so much about themselves, including their insecurities, vulnerabilities, triggers, needs, and desires. It makes me realize that love, relationships, and bonds can be simple to create; they just require time and effort.

But, as often happens, things take a turn for the worse. A combination of naivety, lack of clarity, and poor communication is a recipe for trouble, leading to misunderstandings and heartbreak.

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As a guy, I’ve always paid close attention to how women communicate and behave in relationships—their meanings, how they express themselves, their triggers, and whether they move on or dwell on certain topics.

Recently, I've started to observe how men communicate in relationships. I thought the days of viewing men solely as patriarchs or providers were behind us. Men also talk, communicate, cry, and express anger—just like women do.

I believe this is one of the greatest victories of the 21st century: recognizing that relationships are about equality and not just gender, but about two human beings connecting.

Like women, men have countless thoughts to share, arguments to present, and observations to make. We often have debates ready in our minds, yet when the moment comes, we struggle to express ourselves fully. We might start a conversation but fail to delve into its true meaning. It plays like a cassette in our minds, telling a story the world rarely hears.

Men often find it difficult to discuss their childhoods, traumas, fears, and vulnerabilities as openly as women do. While we may reflect inwardly and outwardly, we often fail to articulate how we truly feel. Men can be a mess in relationships, too.

"Normal People" highlights the need for communication in the moment, emphasizing the importance of understanding each other’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. It beautifully illustrates the journey of Marianne and Connell, both together and apart.

Sally rooney has struck gold in the way she explains in whole para’s what is going on in the character’s mind. The writing captures their innate thoughts about themselves and each other with remarkable clarity.

(Example:

“She closes her eyes. He probably won’t come back, she thinks. Or he will, differently. What they have now they can never have back again. But for her the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain that she used to feel, of being unworthy. He brought her goodness like a gift and now it belongs to her. Meanwhile his life opens out before him in all directions at once. They’ve done a lot of good for each other. Really, she thinks, really. People can really change one another.
You should go, she says. I’ll always be here. You know that.”)

It explores themes such as the different facets of the same person in various relationships, the feelings of anxiety, depression, and lack of belongingness.

Sometimes when you’re lucky enough, you can create a safe space or vault with someone, where love grows, maybe not all days are good, he flowers not only blossom but wilt some days too, but it’s a place where the tree always remains, growing in its own way.

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Looking at the thousand words I just wrote, I can see how I’m a messy communicator too, just as I was in my last piece about "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

I fumbled with a few points, so here’s another suckers bet:

“Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.”

— Nietzsche

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned.”

— Alexander Pope

What I wouldn’t give to peek into the minds of Nietzsche and Pope when they penned those lines.

We often place great importance on our “firsts,” particularly the first time we fall in love. I still remember my first love—it was simple yet powerful. In those moments, nothing else mattered; distractions faded away, and that feeling was pure and innocent. It was so profound that, initially, the other person's feelings weren't my main concern. Ah, the bliss of unrequited love—I thrived in my ignorance.

After all those experiences, I truly became an adult. That’s when I grasped what people mean when they say, “Ignorance is bliss.”

Adulthood is a different game altogether. I started to see how each of my past relationships influenced the next. Everything seems to work cumulatively; we often seek the familiarity of our previous experiences or focus on what our last relationship lacked. Our hearts and minds weave a complex web that connects everything, often without us knowing.

The only way I can challenge this prose is that ignorance lacks true feeling. It doesn’t let you feel the true power of emotions. What wouldn’t I give to love someone and be loved back? I yearn to feel those powerful emotions repeatedly—the throbbing of my heart and the butterflies in my stomach. I crave the chaotic ride of emotions, whether in love or hate. Even in those extremes, I want to be remembered and to remember, accept and be accepted.

(Reminds me vaguely of conversation between a father and son in the film "Call Me by Your Name”)

I believe the essence of the film revolves around how Joel and Clementine continually feel for each other. Even after choosing to erase their memories of one another, their yearning for love endures, weathering the storm of surgical intervention. Clementine openly expresses her insecurities (feeling ugly), while Joel remains more reserved, trying to convince her of her beauty through affection. He struggles to share his own insecurities, contrasting her openness.

(Oh, we men are a mess too. I still remember sitting with a friend at marine drive who just broke up with someone. It was total silence. Though I could hear out the “Ahh” in his breaths so clearly. The cassetes our minds make, the world will never get to listen.)

As Clementine’s memories are being erased, Joel panics, desperate to hold onto their beautiful moments—those intimate times under a blanket, creating a world only they inhabit.

(Please let me at least have this 1 memory)

We Men, have this thing where we want to catch a train too early or too late in situations of love.

(I hope you understand what I mean.)

I just hope that even in the 100^th reiteration of their story, even after them hearing the tapes again and again, they choose to give each other a chance. Because being in love, loving someone, is a choice. We can write about all the mills and boons, but,

Love is a choice.

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This is a real banger talent of mine—opening new threads of conversation without closing the original ones.

Coming back to "Normal People," Sally Rooney explores physical intimacy not just in private but also in the shared moments outside the bedroom. Marianne and Connell share a deep sense of physical intimacy, but I believe its power comes from their emotional openness and the vulnerable yet comfortable space they created for each other.

As Marianne says, “It’s not like this with other people. With you, it’s always real.”

Connell adds, “I’m not a religious person, but I do sometimes think that God made you for me.”

Their relationship showcases that love and relationships are distinct. Their story is not solely about love; it’s about how their relationship evolves over time. Perhaps a relationship is the next stage of love. While love is crucial, it is still just a subset. Ultimately, it’s also about companionship and mutual dependence.

Dependence and co-dependence

Today, We spend so much time proving our self-sufficiency, claiming that self-love is enough. I think that’s nonsense. I mean we’re all connected. Everyday, we come directly or indirectly in contact with so many people. We all have a network of human relationships. Like it or not, we are all dependant on each other in some manner.

Co-dependence is inevitable in long term relationships. Its nothing to be looked at with disdain. It may be the ultimate destiny of life to find someone you can rely on.

(Of course, there’s a fine line between co-dependence and over-dependence, but that varies by situation.)

Even after their relationship fell apart, Marianne and Connell remained friends, providing support during their toughest times. There’s a scene where they video chat; Connell wants to sleep but keeps the call going, and when he wakes up, she’s still there. A simple “good morning” creates a profound sense of belonging, negating the distance of countries and time zone, ultimately giving a feeling of hope and a feeling of Home.

Today, relationships involve countless factors. It’s amusing how it can feel like you’re not someone’s top priority or more of an afterthought. The need for validation is common (and not a bad thing), but it complicates acceptance and fosters fears about looks, status, and other superficial concerns. We often prioritize calculated risks over genuine effort.

These complex emotions can cloud the fundamental principles of love. We complicate things as we age. At its core, love should be simple—who we like, who likes us, why they like us, and how much we share. Care, empathy, vulnerability, and trust often take a backseat to the distractions of modern life.

Despite the chaos and pretense of today’s world, I hope, we try to find openness, vulnerability, and intimacy with someone who chooses us as we choose them. Ultimately, regardless of superficial measures of attractiveness or success, what matters most are the efforts, consistency, and the safe space built together.

Falling in love is wonderful, but the concept of relationship feels vast. Watching Marianne and Connell navigate the phases of their lives hit me differently. I grasp the strength of love, but the significance of relationship became clearer.

Many books, movies, and series fail to deliver a satisfying ending, yet Sally Rooney excels in this regard. The conclusion is heart-wrenching yet beautiful, illustrating how Marianne and Connell grow both individually and together, fighting their demons while being there for one another.

(I haven’t spoiled the ending!)

The series has great songs and beautiful soundtracks. The one with stayed with me is,

"When the rain is blowing in your face,

and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
to make you feel my love..."

"When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
and there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
to make you feel my love...

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

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PS: Paul Mescal and Daisy Edgar jones star in the series as Marianne and Connell. Their chemistry and embodiment of characters is art of the highest form. Watch if for them. Its their first piece of major work professionally. Maybe then you’ll see the upward leaps in their careers in last 5 years.

PS: This book has cover page like none other. Do read the book too. Its brilliant and you might just read it through in a single sitting.