Entry 3.0 - The Letter

THE PREMISE

Vishal is trying to wrap a box of his home made chocalates, which he did successfully like on his 5^th attempt. Then he took out some fine pages, with that perfect shade of brown on them, having that distinct smell of old paper. After much thought, he penned down some really long paragraphs on it. He then before folding a the pages, carefully put a beautiful orchid in between them and sealed the envelope. He had never done something like this for anyone, but it was Riya, maybe she was that special.

As he stood up for leaving home and going to meet her, he received a message from her. It read “ Sorry, won't be possible for us to meet today. First I thought of saying that I had to leave early for the airport, but then I just couldn't do that to you. So the truth why I cannot me you today is because I know what's gonna happen. I in my heart know what you are gonna do and I don't know how would I be able to face you in that situation. I don't want to do that you, not being able to give you the answers, the closure. Hence it is best that we don't meet. I hope you understand why I did this..”

Vishal could not understand what to reply. Rather than a sense of shock, there was a feeling of disappointment in his heart. He didn’t know what to do or how to react to this. He slowly picked up the box and the envelope and went to the terrace of his apartment. He kept staring at the sky for quite some time and opened the letter…it said…

Goodbye.

This is a kind of word I have always used in very casual terms with anyone. But today is the day I am actually feeling such burden or a sense of gloominess using this word. Yes  I know you are just changing cities and I know that this moment was definitely gonna come someday.

But still, even I somewhere fell in the trap of being a hopeless hopeful to think that there was more time. I never thought that I would be the one of the people who are not able to see things clearly.

And WOW !!! Last 3 years have been the best years of my life. I know everyone keeps on telling that college is the best part of your lives, but I never truly believed that. Yet, these 3 years of roller coaster ride with you has made me believe it for real. I never had any idea about how it feels connecting to someone on this level, that while even sitting afar from someone in a classroom, you could feel exactly what’s going on in the other person’s head.

No bond or friendship is made overnight, you have to be there for a long time with a person to actually be anything to them, even a friend. And when I am sitting here on the terrace, watching the sun set and trying to write this letter (Let me tell you again, I am terrible at writing letters), this ocean full of memories keeps coming back to me.

The day our friendship began because of a stupid group presentation and how we were paired together by a draw of lots. Seems rather stupid, a draw of chits, but today, all I can think is how lucky I am, we were, for the way things transpired. There’s a long list of things we did together which were kind of amazing, not just because we did them, but with the level of comfort we did them. Like how we use to hit up restaurants all over the town and would rate them like some food critics doing some serious discussion on the dinner table. Thank you for making me taste the first freaking piece of cheesecake ever (And ya, I do agree that the New York Style Blueberry Cheesecake is the best). I just love the way where we could talk on for hours in context of dialogues and references from movies and series. Let me tell you, I just love the way you impersonate Mrs Maisel in our so called cryptic conversations.    

Life seems so easy and cheerful when you got that one person to talk to, who understands and you understand them. When I see around myself, people have different friends/ companions for sharing different types of things ( I know I went too cryptic with this statement, Though I think you got what I am trying to say, still let me put it in simpler terms) . For example, some people have one person as their dumping grounds, the one where they dump all their sorrows, and another person who are like a paradise to them, the ones with whom they share their happy moments with. I may be wrong, but I just don’t understand that type of a thing, where people waste so much of their time in creating a sense of illusion that these kind of relationships are not meaningless, not selfish and could last for eternity. I mean what’s the point of having these kind of relationships that rather feel like yearly subscriptions and you throw them away when the purpose is served. And this is something which gives me a sense of contempt, that when I think of our relationship , it has never been out of need or selfishness, it just happened. May it be our long walks on weekends or hour long impromptu conversations, I love that we have that comfort of sharing our biggest flaws and strenghs. How easy it is to confide our deepest darkest thoughts to each other so easily.  How easy it is to have a level of openness that we have.

I know by now that this letter is getting a bit stretched and how you already know everything I wrote above (But you kind of already know that I suck at Language and writing skills in general, so bear with me) . So maybe I will tell you something that you don’t know.

Remember the time we went to that shady roadside street cart to have some Chinese and I made you try a dumpling. That long awkward expression on your face about how terrible it tasted, which I was able to capture with full audio and video…and how disgusted you were to see that weird expression on your perfect little face on that video that you immediately made me delete it. Well Spoiler Alert, I never deleted it. Because that expression, that little imperfection of yours in that moment felt so real, charming and beautiful. It was like I couldn’t take my eyes of you. It may seem awkward to you, But you have no idea what I would not give to watch that little idiosyncrasy of yours once again.

There’s another thing I never told you, that is, the first time I noticed you. It wasn’t the time we were paired for that presentation, but actually way before that. It was a usual Saturday at the break time between 2 lectures that the whole class was busy in gossiping or playing games together online. When I noticed a girl sitting ahead of me, with those earphones plugged in on such a loud volume that even I could guess the song. It was “Fix You” (I owe a big Hug to you for introducing that song to me). There was this silly little way of yours, the way in which you kept tilting your head and humming the song with the level of calmness, peace and yet a feeling of powerful emotion on your face. That was the moment that I truly noticed you the first time.

Coming back to the present, today you are going to leave this city for good. I know I know, its something which we can deal with, but still it’s a big thing, a big change and that’s something I am not thrilled about. I don’t know why I have this feeling that you won’t show up to meet me, because you know can happen or is gonna happen and the best way for you to cope up with that is, not to meet me. For the first time, I am not sure if you are gonna come or not, if you think the same way I do. But I really hope that you do and that I am able to give this letter to you, because somewhere even I am too scared to say these words out loud. So here it is…

You know how in the midst of our every debate and discussion you call me “Naive”. How you say that for someone who overthinks so much I really have some Naive opinions and beliefs when it comes to certain things.  Well maybe today I am going to do another NAIVE thing..something which I can no more hide or don’t want to hide.

I think that during our life we meet and connect with a lot of people. But in actuality, there are a only bunchful of people we truly come in sync with, 4 or 5 at the most. May those people are having completely opposite personality to ours, still we find a comfort with them where we are almost able to read each others thoughts and time just passes away when we are with them. We truly care and trust for them, and that’s a big thing. To be able to trust someone and being vulnerable towards them is something so rare, a real thing of beauty. I feel like that when I am with you, when I think of you. So there’s something I gotta do, something I am scared of admitting…because I don’t know whether it will turn out to be a good or a bad thing, But I think it’s Time. I feel something for you which is beyond Friendship, beyond any attraction, beyond all rationality….

I Love you..I love you for all your strengths and flaws and all your little tiny quirks. And its been quite some time I wanted to tell you this…because It feels complete, It feels like Home with you. I will be there for you Always for better for worse. I know that maybe I have taken you by surprise, but it is what it is. And I don’s just want some years with you, I want a Lifetime.

I don’t know what gonna be your answer or how you feel. All I can do is to wait for you to read it and tell me what you fell. So here I am, just Waiting…

(The orchid fell down from the envelope and Vishal could see the wind carrying it away..leaving him alone in this abyss)...